I want to have your abortion
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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