The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
