Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
