Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
