Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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