with your own penis?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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