Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
