woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
