Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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