He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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