Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
