I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
