I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that's an acceptable place to lick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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