Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
