at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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