i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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