Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
