Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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