Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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