I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
