I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
