So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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