My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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