Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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