Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
