update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
