I swear she didn't look like that last week.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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