Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
