I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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