I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
