HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
