I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
