And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
