Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
