After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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