I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
