you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
