He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
