the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
