my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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