She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
