My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
