U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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