We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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