i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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