problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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