Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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