I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
