Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize