So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize