I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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