Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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