it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
