I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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