Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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