I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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