My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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