where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
