I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
