how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
