she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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