Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
