I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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