we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
