But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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