Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
