Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
