I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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